It's Not You, It's Me - Stages Of Breaking Up With Work

It’s the end of the year. And sometimes the end of the year brings on those niggly thoughts about whether it is time to break up--to break up with work for good.

If you have read the previous blogs on finding ‘true’ love and staying in love with work, you’ll remember that work relationships can be likened to romantic relationships. When it comes to breaking up there are, again, similarities.

Here’s a run down of what it could be like from the first doubts to the final break up conversation.

First doubts

After the honeymoon phase, you start to notice some things that don’t sit right with you. You push it aside initially and put it down to the fact that it’s just a phase for you and it is really nothing major. You’re still bathing a little in the afterglow and exiliaration of the adrenaline fuelled moments of novel experiences.

Uh-oh, I still have doubts

At another point in time, you make the same observation. And you will either realise this niggle is becoming quite a thorn in your side that you can no longer ignore or you try to ignore it yet again. Ignoring and hoping it will get better.

Bargaining-making excuses

In that time where you hear those doubts in your head again, you might make try to ‘change’ to make work better. You might think: maybe I'm not tough enough; I should be working harder and not complaining about these long hours; new employees are meant to take bad hours; it’s just a job, I should just follow their principles even though it feels wrong; I have it so much better than X, Y and Z. This is the ‘this is my problem’ or ‘there must be something wrong with me’ stage.

Back and forth

This type of observation and ‘pushing it aside’ can happen repetitively over an indeterminate amount of time before you pull the plug. There may be moments where you see glimpses of feeling great, which sometimes fuels the flame to stay a little longer. These glimpse makes you think, it could be better.

You might, at this stage, try to ‘self-improve’ yourself, hoping that you if mediate more, exercise more, get more sleep, work on your weaknesses, be more confident, take on more projects..that things will just get better.

I’ve had enough

...until you have had enough of excuses that can no longer be seen as reasonable. You are at the end of your rope, and can no longer choose to ‘just be nice’ and ‘hope for the best’. You’ve tried to change things within your control, you’ve tried to adjust to the work vibe and culture but ultimately, you’ve had enough because you have given it your all and something has made you say, “No!”.

There is no timeline for how long these phases last. Ultimately, when you pull the plug, it is because you no longer choose to make reasons and excuses for the situation on a daily basis. You, instead, choose to take a permanent step away from an environment that you gave your best to, and choose to surround yourself in a place where you are appreciated, valued, and happy.

Whether you are at the beginning, middle, or end...remember to be kind to yourself! Remember, you’re not a failure for ‘quitting’. How can you be when you are choosing a better work life? How can you be when you are choosing a path that fits with your values and happiness? When the time comes, you will know with more certainty than uncertainty that this is the right decision for you.