Staying In Love With Work

As alluded to in the previous post, you and work are in a relationship, similar to a romantic relationship (maybe, minus the romance!). In a similar way, maintaining a healthy work relationship can also be seen in the same light as managing a healthy romantic relationship. So how can both parties, employer and employee, foster a consistent and persisting love of work?

I like to see it in light of the Gottman Institute’s principles of a healthy romantic relationship. There are seven foundations--below you can read about four principles I have selected for this piece.

Build love maps

Building love maps is about understanding each other’s motivations, dreams, worries, anxieties and hopes. This can also include understanding the person’s history and how this can make itself present in their world. From a working relationship perspective, this type of understanding is between the employer and employee. Understanding an employee’s work dreams, goals and history can provide a guide to how to communicate, check in and promote employee satisfaction. Personal, non work related goals, are equally important to know because if work and life goals clash, conflict rears its head and could lead to dissatisfied, disgruntled and disengaged employees with a goal to break up with their employers.

Share fondness and admiration

This one is about being mindful of the great things about a partner and expressing this fondness and admiration. This in the context of work, is not about getting all romantic and ‘lovey dovey’ but centres around both employer and employees recognising the good in each other and the environment. For example, the synchronised staff lunches, your chirpy receptionist who can cheer anybody up in no time, your boss who does a lot of work behind the scenes to allow for flexibility or that work colleague who is always calm even in the eye of a storm. Appreciation goes a long way and can dissipate injustices felt thus minimising resentment which can lead to actions that undermine work goals.

Manage conflict

Conflict is going to be present in some form in any relationship so it should come as no surprise that managing a healthy work relationship also involves managing conflict. First, one needs to recognise there may be conflict present then raise the issue with a soft start up. This means no fingerpointing, no contempt or resentment, simply stating the point of conflict in a kind way. By doing so, you are not invoking fear, which in turn, hopefully avoids stonewalling and/or absenteeism from the conversation which only disadvantages resolution of the matter at hand.

Shared meaning

This one in the context of work is about having vision and dream and sharing this explicitly. By establishing the vision and dream, people’s actions are driven to align with this vision. It is also a great trigger for determining if decision A or B is the right one to take--by asking, how does this line up with our vision and dream. Visions can also change, so be sure to communicate shifts so that everyone is in the loop and works towards a shared vision.

From a personal point, I also firmly believe to stay in love with work there needs to be autonomy within the role and one needs to be able to engage in activities outside of work. To be able to participate in things outside of work means that there is a mental work break, which allows one to feel and recognise the things they do love about work. If you are constantly flooded by work, there is no chance to find the love as one becomes desensitised and you may feel like you are no longer you, rather you are now purely defined by work. And, losing a sense of self is a sure way to be unhappy. So, keeping healthy distance, being able to walk in and out of that work circle is also important for keeping the love alive.

Some of the foundations for work relationships rests upon understanding each other, expressing gratitude, being able to manage conflict in a positive light and having a shared purpose. Without these, the work relationship is open to hostility, resentment and contempt, which does not foster a healthy relationship. Instead, there is undermining and a real potential for disengagement mentally and maybe even physically one day with a resignation.

So, build your love maps, be gentle in conflict, share your vision, foster autonomy and keep YOU (that awesome person you are) thriving! Stay actively in love with work!