Navigating Boundaries via Core Values

Have you ever been in that situation where you have a client who talks endlessly and even though you have blocked off more time for this particular person, they still eat away into your next run of clients/patients?

We’ve been there before, frequently. The session is more or less finished but they are enthralled about sharing their story about the holiday disaster! You’re trying to find a way to smoothly and politely end the consult and on top of this, not get too stressed about running behind with notes and the next session.

It’s a tricky one to navigate. How do you say “no” to someone?

How do you ask for respect for your time and respect for your next client’s time, protection of your energy levels so you can be present and engaged at home with people who matter the most to you?

Such a situation is a reminder of the importance of setting and maintaining boundaries in our lives. There is no distinction between the personal and professional boundaries here because your life is one and the same with you at work. To separate these two is to ask yourself to be at conflict with yourself on a daily basis. And we know from research into burnout, conflict in values is a factor contributing to burnout.

So, how does one set boundaries?

To be able to set boundaries, it is important to understand what your core values are because this will allow you to determine what is okay for you and what is not okay for you. It will help clarify whether you want to say “yes” or to say “no”.

How do you know what your core values are?

One way to find your core values is to find a list of values and highlight the ones that speak to you. Then try and categorise them into groups that make sense to you. From this list, highlight the top one to two values, which will form your top values-your core values.

Here is an example, with the core values in bold.

Your values are your map. They help you navigate a decision you need to make, such as, taking up a new job or even leaving one to agreeing to take more work on the weekend or seeing a friend. You use your values list to see which way your compass is telling you to go, the “yes” or the “no” route.

Using the example of the talkative client, if we take the values fairness and efficiency into account, by letting them continue to talk means there is an incongruence with the values listed. How? If you value fairness then you want to ensure the next client gets the time they need for a good treatment session. It is also about fairness to yourself - your time to take a break and be able to offer the same amount of energy to each client during the day. By extending their session into your break time or another client’s session means you are also eating away at efficiency. You lose time to do clinical notes, write letters and make follow-up calls, which leads to overtime at work only eating into family time, another value.

In such a situation, it would be good to put a polite pause to the conversation. You might say, “Thanks for sharing your story with me. It’s really made me laugh today. I’m sorry to have to cut you short but I do have other people waiting for me. Hold that thought, we’ll pick this up again in the next session. If you have questions we haven’t yet covered, write them down and bring them to the next session”. This way you are expressing your gratitude for them sharing something with you, validating their need to be listened to and showing them you care.

You are also taking care of yourself first and foremost so you can continue taking care of the people you serve to help as a physiotherapist by protecting your time and energy.

If you know your core values, you can use this to help you make a decision. Ask yourself does A and B, align with my core values? Do I need all my core values to be met in A and B? The latter is also an important question to ask as sometimes an emphasis on one value may compensate for a lack of in another. This is okay as long as you are aware of this and are in harmony with this choice.

The key to boundaries is to understand what is okay and not okay for you. To know this is to understand what you value and being aware of these values means you are more clear and well-equipped when navigating the ups and downs that life, naturally, throws at you in every decade of growth and learning.

Resources for further info

Values list

https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTED_85.htm